he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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