So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
