I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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