Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
