Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
