This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
someone threw a dead crab at me
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
