I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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