im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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