We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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