I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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