And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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