I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
