his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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