I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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