May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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