I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Drunk is not a location!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
