why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
