Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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