The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
