she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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