Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
