a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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