I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
