people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
