College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
