yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
