I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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