Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
