i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
