I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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