You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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