Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
