I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
