Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
