Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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