He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
