tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize