I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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