I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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