I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
