Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
