I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
