this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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