You made me cry and you don't even care
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
