and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
