ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am available for nakedness
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
