The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
