Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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