The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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