Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
