idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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