Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
