She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
