we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
