508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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