im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
