so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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