dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
