did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
