I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
