He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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