"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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