I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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