i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
