I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
