I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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