there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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