Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
