When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
