I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
