I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
